


Boycott Love

by rinskiroo



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Legends: The Old Republic
Genre: Angst, F/M, Inappropriate Use of the Force, Memories, SWTOR, Smut, Some Fluff, Some Plot, Suicidal Thoughts, Twi'lek, kotfe
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-21
Updated: 2017-07-12
Packaged: 2018-11-03 03:48:44
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 10,449
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10959015
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/rinskiroo/pseuds/rinskiroo
Summary: No one asked the long lost Hero of Tython what she wanted when they pulled her from the carbonite prison.  With five years lost and the ghost of the Sith Emperor lingering in her mind, the Jedi Master has struggled to find her footing in the galaxy.  Theron Shan spent four years searching and building her Alliance to fight back against Arcann, but she's different now than what he remembers.Reflective character study turned explicit smut turned angst.





	1. Chapter 1

The base didn’t sleep, and rarely did Theron Shan.  It wasn’t that he thought finally relocating to Odessen would make running the Alliance easier, he just thought he’d have more help.  More guidance.  More insight.  More _her_.

He turned on only the lights he needed to see so he wouldn’t trip on anything left on the floor.  The once very disciplined and meticulous Jedi had turned almost careless and slovenly, leaving clothes, datapads, dirty dishes, and all manner of items strewn about and uncared for.  She hadn’t even flinched when he suggested letting a droid come in and pick up, to help her keep the place tidy.  Before, he knew she would have scoffed at such a suggestion, that she would need assistance.  She didn’t fight or welcome it, she was simply indifferent.  A trait he had not ever remembered her having.

As he passed by the yellow and silver astromech, he patted the droid on the dome.  “Go ahead and recharge, Tee-seven.”

There was a quiet little whir as T7-O1 slid his front wheel forward and rolled towards the door.  The droid could have been much better served in all manner of tasks for the Alliance and their missions.  He had been a quite resourceful little helper when they’d been searching for the lost Jedi Master.  Now, he hardly left her side.  Just like when she was a Padawan.  She had often called the droid her oldest friend, sometimes little brother.

He undressed and slid under the sheet, careful not to disturb her.  At least now she went to sleep, instead of sitting in the bed, staring at the door, waiting for him to come back.  He would joke and tell her if she wanted to see him so bad, he was easy to find.  She didn’t want to be around all the other people.  Didn’t want to answer their questions.  Didn’t want to have to feign control or confidence.  They had learned to stop bringing their concerns to their ‘Commander.’

 

“Was it wrong to put this on her?”  Theron asked one day after he had pulled Lana aside.  They had been in this together from the start.  Lana had fished him out of a bar four years ago where he was drinking away his pain and regrets with two little words: _She’s alive._

Lana looked at him with all that patience and understanding he had once seen from his Jedi.  He had gotten used to seeing it from her though, a Sith.  Far more even-tempered and thoughtful than he had originally given her credit for.  “I was waiting for you to see it.”

“I thought we agreed we were going to tell each other everything?”

Lana raised an eyebrow at him.  “How would you have reacted if the first thing I said to you after being reunited with the woman you love and our last hope to defeat Arcann was that she was unfit for command?  That she spent most of her time on the Gravestone curled up in the bunk crying and muttering to herself?  That when Arcann stabbed her, she begged me to let her die?”

Theron’s breath caught in his throat and he tried to swallow back the lump that had formed there.  He knew that her wound had been grievous.  That any other normal being would have been killed instantly.  It was her commitment to the Force, the strength of her resolve, the sheer force of her personality and will that had kept her alive.  That was what he had believed.  Now, he heard that was false, something else had kept her from death.  A death it seemed she wished for.  “We won’t be able to depend on her to lead.”

Lana nodded.  Theron realized she had come to that conclusion long ago.  “She’ll still be the Alliance Commander, even if it’s in title only.  They’ll all still look up to her.  We take care of the day to day operations.”  It was, of course, how things had been going for a year now anyway.  “When she’s ready, she can lead.”

“And if she’s never ready?  What happens when it’s time to face Arcann?”

“Hopefully, the Force will serve us, and not him.”

 

She moved over to him under the sheet, nuzzling in close.  Her bare skin was warm with sleep.  Her eyes remained closed as her lips grazed across his neck.  “You’re back late,”  she mumbled against his skin.

“It’s not even midnight.  You have to admit, that’s pretty early.”  His hands brushed across her lekku, down her back as she moved over him.  She traced a path of small kisses across his jaw until her lips found his.  “Did you get some sleep?”  he asked after a long, slow kiss.

Her head nodded slightly against his as she slipped a leg over him and straddled his waist.  Theron had wanted to ask her how her day was, if she read any new books or met anyone interesting, but as her thighs hugged his hips, all those mundane conversations were driven from his mind.  As she pulled her lips away from him and sat up straight, a cloud moved from in front of the moon and light spilled in through the window, illuminating her pale blue skin.

“Stars, you’re beautiful.”

She smiled at him, a flush rising to her cheeks.  She loved his compliments, the ones that were about her and not about her strength in the Force, her knowledge as a Jedi, or her skill with a lightsaber.  She liked to be recognized as the person, not the symbol.  Part of him wondered if that was what had drawn her to Doc, her last love.  Theron had even told her once, back before Ziost, that if he had known she was so easily taken in by compliments on her appearance, he would have said something ages ago.  She had laughed heartily and said that wasn’t the only thing, but she admitted to being vain.  A trait not well-suited to a Jedi Master.

She pulled her lip between her teeth as she slid onto him, pushing him inside of her.  A low grunt left him as her hips rocked up and down and he just watched her.  Watched as her eyes drifted closed, watched as her teeth let go of her lip and her mouth opened and little groans escaped; felt her fingers stretch and curl on his abdomen.

And then she stopped.  “Are you just going to lie there?”  One eye opened and she cocked her eyebrow at him.

“I’m tired, babe,”  he said with a cheeky grin on his face.  Though, he wasn’t sure if she could see it, but he was certain she could feel the mirth rolling off of him.

“Maybe I should just let you get some sleep, then.”

He groaned in slight disappointment as she moved off of him, letting his cock slip free of its nice, warm home.  She pressed a soft kiss to his cheek and then rolled over, pulling the sheet up around her.  Theron had almost forgotten what a saucy brat she could be.  That was the woman he remembered.  The one who always had a flippant remark.  Who, in the middle of deflecting blaster fire, would joke about what nice weather they were having and wonder what was for dinner.

He moved and propped himself up onto his elbow.  His lips moved over her shoulder, pulling on her skin as his hand traveled along her side and towards her front.  He cupped one of her breasts in his hand, not small or large, just the right size for his hands.  His fingers rolled and pinched at her nipple until there was that soft gasp and her shoulder dropped and she laid back on the bed.  With a grin, he moved over her, his lips traveling to her throat.

“You know I can’t sleep unless you take care of me.”

They both knew who was really taking care of whom.  Theron made sure she ate, made sure she took a shower and had fresh clothes, made sure she saw the medic to ensure all her injuries were healing properly, or Sana-Rae for the wounds that weren’t physical.  He didn’t mind.  She had spent her whole life in service to and saving the galaxy from threats it didn’t even know it faced.  He knew she had been to the worst of hells and back  This last time, she was the one who needed help, the one who needed to be saved.  And as much as she needed him, he needed her.  When he got the news that she had died, his life had flatlined.  He no longer found joy in his work, no longer cared about the ongoing conflict with the Sith Empire.  When Arcann invaded Coruscant and the Republic folded to his demands, Theron walked away and accepted the bleak outlook of the galaxy.

He pushed the sheets away from them, not wanting to get tangled in the irritating fabric.  He kissed his way from her throat down her chest until his lips found the curve of her breast and the hard nipple waiting for him.  He swirled his tongue around it, flicking it before pushing his lips against her soft skin and sucking.  His other hand claimed the other breast, squeezing and pinching until her hips wiggled beneath him, desperately trying to rub against him.  He snickered as his mouth moved to the other breast, giving it the same treatment.

“You could have just taken what you wanted,”  he scolded lightly against her skin as he began kissing a path downward.

Her head popped up slightly to watch him and he could see the smirk curling her lips.  “How do you know this isn’t what I wanted?”

There was a thoughtful sort of humming noise he emitted as he slinked further down her body.  He nipped at her hip, and then the inside of her thigh.  He pinched her bottom when she again tried to wiggle her hips in a way that pressed her most sensitive spot against him.  She let out a surprised yelp that made him chuckle and then moaned in protest when he pressed her hip down with his hand.  With the other, he pushed her knee out to the side, exposing her further to him.  His lips continued their teasing movements, pulling at skin down her thigh, then back up, just barely grazing the wet pussy that he knew was desperate for his touch.

“Theron…”  she whined his name as he pressed his lips against her pubic bone, dangerously close to her clit.  He could feel her twitch slightly, fighting back the natural want to buck and press against him.

“Yeah, babe?”  He tried to sound light and casual, but his voice came out throaty and wanting.  He was struggling at their little game almost as much as she was.  “I can’t read your mind.  You’ll have to tell me.”

He could almost see the color flush all of her skin, turning pale blue into an embarrassed shade of purple.  Sure, she could command armies, stop super weapons, and challenge the Emperor himself, but tell her lover exactly where she wanted him to put his tongue--that was what made her squirm.

“Damnit, Theron.”  Another gasp left her as he hummed against her skin again; his warm breath buffeted her sensitive flesh.  Her fingers reached down and curled into his hair.  She tugged back, lifting his face upwards.  His gaze raked upwards across her body, past the swell of her breasts, to her face craned to look at him.  “Fingers, tongue, your delicious cock--I don’t _care_ .  Touch me, Theron.   _I need you_.”

He groaned as she released her grip on his hair.  His erection grew harder at her words and he twisted against the mattress uncomfortably.  He knew full well she could have just taken what she wanted.  Pinned him to the mattress with only her mind and had her way, but she didn’t.  She played his little game, let him tease, let go of what was left of her modesty, and gave him what he wanted.  His fingers gripped her hips as his tongue darted out of his mouth and dragged along her skin.  She cried out the first time he brushed against the swollen little nub; whimpered and moaned as he moved and pushed his tongue against the soaking entrance to her body.

He drank hungrily from her, licking and sucking in between thrusting his tongue inside of her.  She writhed and moaned so beautifully beneath him, her hands once again in his hair.  She didn’t push or try to manipulate his movements, just held on and relished what he gave her.  He could feel her getting close, in the way her hips couldn’t help but push upwards and the stuttering way she could barely get his name out.

“I want to feel you,”  he growled and gave her pussy one last, long lick before moving quickly back up her body.  He grabbed her around the middle and rolled onto his back, pulling her back on top of him.  He let out a loud grunt and swore as her fingers wrapped around his cock and guided him to where she wanted him.  She was so wet, he slipped easily back into her.  His fingers dug into her hips, pushing her up and pulling her back down.  Every gasp and moan an invitation go faster and push harder.

He was watching her again.  The fluid movements of her body, more akin to a dancer’s than a fighter’s.  The sweat gleaming off her flushed skin.  The bounce of her lekku and her breasts.  The way again her eyes had drifted shut and her mouth was open.  When she gasped his name, his hand moved to the place where their bodies joined.  His thumb rubbed against her clit and he smiled at the response.  “Come, beautiful.  Come for me.”

She cried out as the orgasm overtook her, and he soon joined her.  As soon as her cunt clenched around him, his cock twitched and his toes curled.  He didn’t stop thrusting up into her, didn’t stop the pressure against her clit.  He wanted to pull every ounce of pleasure from her, and push every bit of his into her.

Both of them breathing heavily, she collapsed onto his chest.  Every few seconds there was still a slight quake in her muscles and he smiled to himself.  “Did you get what you wanted?”

Her body shook slightly against him as she laughed.  “Yes.  Did you?”

“Everyday,”  he said as he pressed his lips to her forehead.  He didn’t mean the sex, while that was always amazing, he meant having her here, alive.

 

Theron had grown used to their routine, but he still didn’t like waking up in the empty bed.  He was never sure when she left, whether it was shortly after their lovemaking or just before he had a chance to wake up.  When he asked, she was usually non-committal with her answers.  Sometimes it was meditation, sometimes she just wandered Odessen.  He tried not to worry.  She had made small strides towards being more open and less reclusive.  Just had to give her time, and hope she didn’t need too much of it.

“Have you see the Commander today?”  Lana asked him after the command briefing had finished.

“No, not yet.  Why?”  Theron looked up from the datapad in his hands.  She sounded worried, and it was not never a good sign when Lana was worried.

“I just…”  She paused and sighed.

“Have a feeling?”  Theron finished for her.  He was well used to those by now.  He glanced back down at his datapad and pushed his fingers across the screen.  “Good thing I put that tracker in her headband.”

“You didn’t.”  Disappointment, condescension, those were the things he had expected from Lana.

“I’m not going to take the chance of losing her again.”

It wasn’t hard to find the path she was on.  As he got closer, there were hewn and charred trees, boulders that were far too heavy to lift had somehow been picked up and thrown.  He got off the speeder and approached on foot when he could hear the hum of the lightsaber.  It wasn’t long before he saw the bright yellow glow and watched as it bit into another thick trunk and sliced near all the way through until it cracked and tipped under the weight.  Deactivated, the hilt dropped to the ground as her arms raised above her head.  With a strangled scream, the tree halted mid-fall and she hurled it over the cliff.

Theron hadn’t noticed before, the winding path he had taken was slowly climbing upwards.  Now, they stood looking out at the vast forests hundreds of meters below them.

“Jas!”  he shouted her name.

She turned, eyes wide with surprise as if she hadn’t noticed his approach.  He may have been a master spy, but she was a Jedi Master.  He never should have been able to sneak up on her.  Ever.  She looked practically feral, nothing but brown sash tied across her breasts and torn, loose-fitting breeches hanging off her hips.  Her blue skin was speckled with leaves and mud and her face was streaked with tears.  He could see the jagged scar across her abdomen; the wound from Arcann’s lightsaber that should have killed her.

“Go away, Theron!  I’m not letting him take you!”

Theron glanced around the mess of broken trees and strewn boulders, searching for the other person she was referencing.  There was no one, no evidence that any other person had ever been up here.  “Babe, come back down.  We’ll talk with Lana, or Sana-Rae.  Get this all sorted out.”

Her head shook and her feet took small steps backwards towards the edge of the cliff.  “He knows what you mean to me!  He’ll use it to make me do what he wants!  He did the same with Lana!”

Theron tried to control the quickening of his heart, the surge of adrenaline in his veins.  All of the deep cover operations, planetary coups, assassinations--none of it prepared him to watch the woman he loved, the strongest person he knew, throw herself off a cliff.  With each step he took towards her, she shuffled back further.  She was too far away, and despite the labored breathing and the heavy way she moved her limbs, he knew she would still be too quick for him.  Theron stopped moving and asked,  “Who?”

“ _Vitiate_ ,”  she spat the name like a curse.

It made Theron’s blood run cold as memories of Ziost flooded his mind.  The evil the Sith Emperor had wrought throughout the galaxy stretched back for hundreds of years.  The destruction of all life on Ziost was thought to be his crowning stroke in his bid for immortality.  Lana had revealed that the Emperor of Zakuul had also been the Sith Emperor, something which Theron could not figure out, but all of the Force users were convinced of.  It seemed, however, Lana had not told him everything, again.

“I will not be his meat puppet again!”  she screamed.  Her fingers dug into her lekku until her nails drew blood.  To someone who didn’t know, it might look like she was imitating pulling her hair, but Theron knew that it was agony far beyond that.

“Jas, please!”  He knew he was practically begging, his voice having lost any hint that he could control this scenario.  “If you don’t want to be here, I’ll take you somewhere else.  We can go far away from here and he can’t get to you.”

“I have to kill him.  It has always been my destiny to kill him.”  Tears now streaming down her face, she turned and faced the drop in front of her.  “And I always knew this is what it would take.”

He could barely hear her as the wind picked up and whipped around them.  Her arms were outstretched and fear gripped him.  She would do anything to be rid of that monster.  “What would Master Orgus say about this?”

The way her head turned so sharply back towards him, the flash of hurt in her eyes, his words had bit in.  Master Orgus had been like a father to her.  His sudden and violent death had been her first brush with the Dark Side.  She had vowed vengeance and Theron remembered being warned to stay out of the Jedi Knight’s warpath at the time.

Theron swallowed and spoke again, unsure what her reaction was going to be.  At least if she came after him, she wouldn’t be hovering on the edge of the abyss.  “I know what he would say.  The same thing Master Zho or even my mother would say--keep fighting.  Find another way.”

She turned, took a half a step towards him, and then fell to the ground.  Her fingers dug into to the dirt as if she was trying to crawl away, but something was holding her down.  Theron took the chance and ran to her, grabbing her under the shoulders and dragging her away from the edge.

“No, no, you can’t let him do this,”  she ground out through clenched teeth.  Her muscles were stiff, her joints locked.  “Please, Theron.  I can’t--I can’t live like this.”

Theron pressed a finger against the implant next to his eye.  “I need med-evac at my location, right now.”

_“Theron?  What’s wrong?”_

“Right now, Lana!”


	2. Chapter 2

The first time that she had seen him, she was a child.

“Padawan,”  the Duros Knight trying to impart a lesson on focus chided her.

The young Twi’lek’s eyes had cast about the wide open space in front of the Jedi Enclave on Haashimut.  There were rolling fields with red dirt and green grass, orange tinted skies with white puffy clouds, and rocky hills far into the distance.  There were other Jedi here training and meditating, most were younglings.  There was a small boy, near her age, maybe older.  It was hard to tell so far away.  He was sprinting back and forth across a worn stretch of ground and then trying to jump, exhausting himself and failing to make any progress.

“ _Jasati,_ ”  the Knight said her name sharply and a pebble flew up and hit her on the side of the face.

She would never claim to be the best student.  She was strong in the Force.  She knew it, her teachers all knew it, but she was distractible and her priorities never quite lined up with what the Council had in mind.  Even as a child, she had been clever, but brash and foolhardy.  They had tried to train it out of her, but it was her unbreakable spirit, her innate goodness--those were her marks as a Jedi.

Her hand rubbed slightly where the small stone had smacked her, but she didn’t turn her gaze from the boy.  In fact, her whole body had shifted to watch him, much to the disappointment of her current teacher.  “What’s he doing?”

The Duros sighed.  “Partaking in his lessons.  You should follow his example.”

“But he’s Force-blind.”

“That is not a term we use, Padawan,”  he scolded her again.  “No one is truly blind to the Force.”

“He will never be a Jedi.”

“Neither will you, if you do not heed your lessons.”

When he tossed another pebble in her direction, she caught it.

 

 

The first time he saw her, he already knew who she was.

She was a ~~rising~~ shooting star who had the trust of the Jedi Council and General Suthra.  She swaggered in with a flair for theatrics and sarcasm and no deference to the agents who had been working tirelessly on Nar Shaddaa for months.  Theron was thankful that he was imbedded with a rival gang and not the one fetching her briefings.  His opinion of the Jedi as a whole had never been that high, except for Master Zho, and it seemed this one did little to change his mind.

“Look out.  Tall, dark, and cybernetics approaching,”  Kira, her apprentice, said in a stage-whisper.  She was tall with short-cropped blonde hair and a critical eye.  Theron wondered if sarcasm was a class offered at the Jedi Temple these days.

He couldn’t help feeling judged as both pairs of Jedi eyes looked him up and down.  The way they glanced at each other as if they were sharing an internal giggle and then looked back at him with matched grins.  Just picking them out, it would be hard to tell they were Jedi if one didn’t notice the sabers hanging from their belts.  Both had foregone traditional robes for clothes that moved freely and fit in better with the district’s nightlife.  He’d never forget the yellow ribbons wrapped around her lekku that night.  She’d looked so innocently out of place, and yet the way she held herself seemed to dare anyone to challenge her.

He tried to match their assured smirks as he leaned up against the bar in this, one of the many, Hutt casinos.  “Can I buy you ladies a drink?”

Jas ran her tongue over her teeth and looked like she was about to say something, probably agree.  He had always hoped she would have agreed, but Kira slipped an arm into hers and pulled her out of her seat.  “Sorry, we’re both lesbians.  With each other.”

 

 

When they met each other for the first time, Jas never made the connection that she had seen him before, and Theron never brought up their almost-encounter on Nar Shaddaa.  They fell into an easy repartee--both older, more mature.  Both had been through so much since their near-meetings.  Perhaps the Force had been trying to get them to cross paths all along, but it was never the right time.  They were never going the same speed or towards the same destination, until Manaan.

There was flirting and stolen kisses.  She would squeeze his ass whenever Lana’s back was turned, though she was certain the Sith knew what they were doing.  More than once, she had to be reminded to take their mission seriously, but she did.  Despite what her teachers and some of her peers thought of her, Jas took everything very seriously.  It was why she also had to laugh and joke and try to make others feel at ease, because the seriousness of reality was too overwhelming.  The dark consequences if they failed were too dire.

“And here I thought we might get a break,”  Theron joked as he walked her back towards her ship.  Revan was defeated, and with it their tenuous alliance with the Sith Empire was breaking.  Though Theron had been happy to break with Lana and Sith Intelligence, Jas had come around to the Sith.  They came from different ideologies, but they had more in common than either of their orders would have them believe.  They had developed a trust and a respect, even if they didn’t always agree with each other’s methods.

“Do you think…”  Theron ran his hand up her arm, pausing briefly at her shoulder as he tried to figure out what he was asking.  “Do you think she knows?”  Lana, of course, was quite aware of their tryst.  It was their other mutual acquaintance Theron seemed to be concerned with.

“Knows what?  About how you had your hand inside my robes five minutes after that medal ceremony?”  Jas chuckled and pressed her lips just to his cheek.  “Why do you think you got that high-powered position in the SIS that’ll keep you on the Capital, while I’m being sent to the Outer Rim and beyond to hunt him down?”

“What?  You don’t think I deserved that promotion?”  He pulled back slightly, but she could see it was all mock hurt on his handsome features.

“You deserve nothing but the great things, Theron.”  She looked into his dark eyes and she meant it, every word.  He was as devoted as any Jedi or any soldier, not just to the Republic, but to a safer and fairer galaxy.  He had sought help from the Republic’s enemies because the danger was too great for one faction to take on alone.  “If it makes you uncomfortable--who I am, who your mother is--I understand.”

“What makes you think--”  He moved closer to her again, his arm slipping just inside the baggy Jedi robe and gripping her around the waist.  “--that I am in any way--”  His head ducked close to hers and she felt his lips graze across her jaw until his tongue found the sensitive spot just below the cone of her ear.  The sensation made her squirm, but he held her tightly.  “--uncomfortable?”

“Could you two get a room?  Or maybe hide behind a tree?  At least _pretend_ to be discreet?”  Kira called from the top of the ramp leading into the ship.

They ignored Jas’ apprentice, pointedly, with an over the top display of affection.  Theron dipped her down and kissed her full-mouthed until she was clutching onto his jacket and breathless.  “Until next time, Master Jedi.”

 

 

For five years, Vitiate tortured her with the images of her dead friends.  Images of the scorched skies over Coruscant and buildings broken and the screams still coming from inside.  He had shown it to her over and over so much that after awhile, it had become barely noise.  She had grown indifferent to the bloodshed and the death.  Unaffected by the broken bodies of Kira, Doc, Rusk, and even Scourge.  Walking through the grey, rocky void space that was her carbonite prison had eroded her spirit so completely.  Which was, perhaps, the point.

Then, just when nothing really mattered to her, Theron would be there.  He’d be standing in the ruins of the Temple, bloody and dirty, but like a vision.  In his arms, she felt the intensity of the isolation.  In his voice, hollow and fake, she felt the futility of it all.  And suddenly she felt _everything_.  The wave would crash against her.  The misery of longing.  The anxiety of not knowing if they were truly dead or out there somewhere fighting.  The regret of missed opportunities.

 _You can save them._ Vitiate’s voice echoed in her skull.

“No,”  her voice cracked in the quiet dark.

_Strike down my son.  Take the throne._

“I don’t want this.”  Tears leaked down the sides of her face.  Her arms were too heavy to lift and wipe them away.  “I never wanted this.”

_It is your destiny._

She didn’t believe in destiny.  Not anymore.  Her destiny had been to kill the Sith Emperor, and she had, twice.  A lot of good that had done the galaxy.  Now, he lived inside her head.  His foul spirit had taken up residence in her body.  There was only one way to kill him.  Theron had helped him stop her.

“Just relax, Commander.”  It was the voice of a doctor, someone she couldn’t remember the name of.  But it wasn’t just the doctor--there was another presence.

_Lana._

_I’m here._

They were surrounded in front of the Gravestone.  Arcann had sent so many soldiers to catch them.  Not just the robots, but the Knights--Force adepts who fought with the skill of any Jedi and the viciousness of any Sith.  All three of them--Senya, Lana, and Jas--were exceptionally powerful women in their own right, but even together, they would be overrun.

Jas could see the Knight’s blade coming for Lana.  It was about to pierce right through her.  Time stopped.  The world around her froze.

 ~~Valkorion~~ _Vitiate_ had offered her a choice: watch her friend--the person that had scoured the galaxy to find her, save her--die, or let him save her.  Use his fountain of power, just for a moment, and Lana would fine.  They could escape unharmed.  Just the briefest moment of control, that was what he had said.

“Please,”  she begged.  “Please, save her.”

Jas couldn’t watch her friend die, not when there was something she could do.  Though it was a choice shrouded in darkness, a bargain with pure evil, she couldn’t bear to lose Lana, not the way she had lost everything else.  Energy rippled out of a her.  Power unlike she had ever known.  A heavy, intoxicating sort of strength where one taste would never be enough.  When it was gone, she felt breathless and empty--hungry.

And then she had lied, further damning her soul to darkness.  Everyone had their own energy in the Force, their own being that existed with their physical self.  Lana had grown to know Jas, from their dealings with finding Revan, and the destruction of Ziost.  Lana had searched for her all those years, seeking out that unique, luminous energy.  Something had been off, but Jas insisted she was fine, just adjusting to her new circumstances.  She was a Jedi, an obnoxious paragon of goodness.  Lana had no reason not to trust her.  She had taken advantage of that.

_I’m sorry._

_Rest now._

 

 

The hotel was exquisite and obviously the playground for the most fortunate in the galaxy.  The main building sat on one of the larger islands on a long stretch of beach.  The great transparisteel doors and windows were all wide open, letting the pleasant ocean breezes move gently through the space.  Despite the far flung location, and the proximity to other less-reputable sectors, Scarif was a jewel.  Currently, it was owned by an arm of one of the Hutt cartels, but it tried to cater to a much different clientele than places like Nal Hutta or Nar Shaddaa.  How Theron Shan, life-long public servant, had managed to secure a reservation, she had no idea.

She felt him, just the moment before she heard him as she stood in the middle of the wide open doorway, looking out at crystal blue water.  “I’m glad you decided to come.”  He had his red jacket hooked over his shoulder and he looked almost relaxed, like he realized this was a vacation.  It made her slightly nervous to see him in this new way.

“You should know I cheated,”  she said with a cheeky grin.  “I had Tee-seven decrypt your little treasure map invitation.”

“I figured.”  He smirked and bent down to pick up her bag.  “Come on, the _chauffeur_ is going to take us out to our _chalet_.  And then we can do whatever it is people do when they’re on vacation.  Do you know what that is?”

She chuckled and shrugged her shoulders.  “No, not really.  Sleep a lot?”

The speeder glided above the surface of the water, barely causing a wake.  The water was shallow, but teeming with visible marine life.  They passed several small little islands, barely just beach and trees sticking up out of the water.  Each had their own cottage ranging in size from quaint little huts to larger bungalows.  The one they stopped at was one of the smaller-sized buildings with a wide beach leading up to it and quiet waves lapping at the shore.  The driver of the speeder unloaded their bags and gave a quick, well-rehearsed rundown on amenities offered and how to call for a ride back to the reception area or other points of interest on the planet.

“Should I even ask how you pulled this off?”  she asked after the speeder had left and she wandered around the small cabin.

“I may have name-dropped to skip ahead in the reservation list.”

“Oh?”  Her head poked out of the refresher room where she had found little chocolates resting on the towels and popped one into her mouth.  She didn’t think for a second he would have named either of his parents, even though his mother was the Grandmaster of her Order and his father was a ranking member of the Republic High Command.  “Who?”

“The Battlemaster of the Jedi Order.”  His smirk returned and he laughed as she choked a bit on the candy in her mouth.  His face fell slightly and he immediately looked apologetic at her startled response.  “I’m sorry.  Was that--oh man.  I screwed up, didn’t I?”

“No, no.”  She waved her hand and finished swallowing as she walked over towards him.  “I’m just not used to… being that person.  I did what they asked of me.  I fought the battles they sent me to.  I didn’t want all the titles they gave me.  Who makes Master after only two years of Knighthood anyway?”

When she stopped in front of him, she was breathing heavily.  She hadn’t meant to just dump those anxious thoughts that had been bothering her on him, and certainly not five minutes into their private holiday.  Jas loved being a Jedi.  She served faithfully and upheld (most) of their tenants, but she knew how young she was.  Despite all she had been through, in a lot of ways, Jas still felt like a Padawan.

It was almost tentative, the way he lifted his hand and brushed across her cheek before resting it gently against the back of her neck.  She had felt it, too--the sort of awkwardness of being in a setting that wasn’t life or death with the constant pumping of adrenaline.

“Hey,”  he said quietly, pressing his fingers gently into her skin.  “How about for the next two days we forget there’s a crazy, fucked up galaxy out there and that we were the idiots that signed up to keep it safe.”

He smiled and pulled his hand away from her neck, leaving behind a warm, tingling trail.  She returned his smile and glanced down at his hand as he held it out for her.  “I’m Theron, and this is my first date in a really, really long time.”

Playing along, she placed her hand in his.  “Hello, Theron.  I’m Jas, and this is my first date.  Ever.”

Theron couldn’t hide the shock at that admission, though it seemed he tried.  “Weren’t you… married?”

She laughed lightly and shook her head.  “No, I was not.  Are there any exes of yours I should know about?”

He paused to think rather dramatically, as if it were a difficult question.  “I got really drunk on Bespin once.  But I don't think we went through with it.”

“Breaking hearts all over the galaxy.”

He looked guilty of the charge, handsome and relaxed with the quirk of his grin never leaving his lips.  “I may have once told someone I'd call them and then went undercover for six months.”

“Once?”

“More than once,” he conceded, though not with regret.  It was simply what had happened.  Whether or not he felt bad about it, he didn't say, and she didn’t pry.

“I don't know if I should be disappointed in you, or feel special that you called.”

“Feel special, because you are.”  He lifted her hand to his lips and kissed her fingers softly, never breaking eye contact.  It caused a flutter in her belly and a blush to creep over her cheeks.  He had accused her of being good at everything, but she was not prepared for how charming an off-duty Theron could be.

They stayed mostly on their little island--far away from the tumultuous galaxy and the other visitors to Scarif.  That evening, Jas stood out on the beach and let the waves splash over her feet as she watched the sun sink down into the water.  Theron lounged in a chair nearby, watching her.  Her hands stretched out at her sides, then up over her head, the silky wrappings around her body fluttering in the wind around her.  One arm stretched out in front, palm up, the other to her side to keep balance.  She thrust, parried, and cut a wide arc in front of her and back, mimicking the movements of lightsaber combat.  Her movements were fluid, easily passing from one form into the next.  When her palm hit the water in a downward strike, streams of water shot up around her, soaking her arm and legs.  From behind her, Theron chuckled and clapped his hands.

She glanced back over her shoulder at him, sitting there in just his shorts, shirt unbuttoned, bottle of ale dangling in his fingers.  Her finger twirled in the water in front of her.  She pushed it into a spot in her hand, centered it, and with a flick of her wrist sent jet of ocean water right at his chest.  The shocked, sputtering look on his face caused her to laugh so hard, she fell back onto her bottom.  She was still laughing when he rushed over and tried to retaliate, kicking water towards her before attempting to tackle her to the sand.

At the end of the playful scuffle, she had won and sat across his middle.  Both of them were soaked in salt water and covered in sand.  Both were still laughing.

“I’m getting kind of a feeling here,”  he said as he pushed his hair back from his forehead.

“Oh?”  Jas grinned as she wiggled slightly downward, feeling the growing erection in his shorts pressing against her bottom.

He emitted a sort of half-groan, half-laugh and reached out to try and catch her, but she grabbed his wrists and pressed them back down into the sand above his head.  Her face was right next to his, their lips and noses practically touching.  She could feel the want for him growing, from beyond just the prickling of her skin or the wetness between her legs that had nothing to do with the ocean.  She wanted to know him, understand him, feel the depths of his passion.  Their short little interlude on Yavin had been fun, but not nearly enough.

Her eyes flicked across his features as she felt something though--a hesitation.  “What is it?”

He gave a small sigh.  “Why would someone tell me you were married?”

She relinquished her grip on his wrists and sat back up.  “Always the spy?  Is this the sort of conversation that usually happens on first dates?”  She wasn’t annoyed, but rather the opposite.  Jas was amused and a bit impressed that he was hung up on the idea.  She liked him, enjoyed his company, appreciated his skills and dedication, and was happy to just enjoy the time they had spent together if that was all it ever came to.  If he felt this was something beyond just a brief fling… maybe they should have a real conversation.

“My experience with Jedi…”  His words trailed off slightly as his hands came up and rubbed against her thighs.  “You’re not what I expected, and that’s a good thing, but I want to know what I should expect.”

“Obviously I don’t subscribe to the idea that we shouldn’t form attachments, make friends, fall in love.  I believe our bonds make us stronger, though I have seen the pitfalls.”  Reluctantly, she moved off of him and sat back down in the sand next to him.  Theron sat up next to her and tried to brush some of the sand off of himself.  “I loved Master Orgus and his death cut very deeply, but it taught me a lot about myself and the kind of Jedi I wanted to be.  As well as the kind I _didn’t_ want to be.”

“I knew I could always trust the Jedi to do the ‘right’ thing, even if it didn’t always line up with what the Republic wanted.  I don’t know--when the Revanites captured me, I knew I was going to have to save myself.”  He turned his head towards her and knocked his shoulder gently against hers.  “But then you came in lightsaber blazing.  And Lana was the one saying personal feelings were irrelevant.”

“I hope you’re not still mad at her.”

“Nah.  I understand why she did it.  And hey, no permanent damage.”

There was a long pause as Jas considered what she would tell him.  She would have to tell him.  It would be unfair not to and that was precisely what had gone wrong in her previous relationship.  “Part of me will always love Archie.  He came into my life during a young and vulnerable period.  He helped me grow, and heal.  In the end, we wanted different things.  We weren’t walking the same path and we waited a bit too long to see it.”

“You turned him down.”

“I did.”  She nodded.  Her eyes had cast out back over the darkening sea.  There was still a bit of glow from what was left of the sun.  Stars were beginning to creep out slowly.  “It would have been unfair to him because I would always be a Jedi first, not a wife.  It was different after that, and eventually, it was over.”

Theron dipped his head slightly to brush his lips against her shoulder.  “I’m glad.”

“It doesn’t bother you?”

“If I got a call from the SIS right now that something had happened, what do you think I’d do?”

“Take the first transport out of here.”  They were very much the same in that regard, and it made Jas smile.  Not the idea that she would always come in second to their Republic, but that he would never make her choose.  “Would you at least kiss me before you left?”

His head lifted slightly and his body shifted to turn towards her.  He brought a hand up and placed it against her neck, his thumb brushing against her jaw and the rest of his fingers curling behind her ear.  Theron’s brown eyes slowly moved across her features as if he were drinking her in, his thumb still stroking her jaw lazily back and forth.  “Maybe,”  he said, his voice low.  “If you’re good.”

She could feel the flush return to her cheeks and again the flop in her stomach.  “I’m a Jedi,”  she responded, as if that answered any question about her level of ‘good.’

He moved even closer, until he was near enough to her face that just the tip of his tongue darted out and brushed over her lips.  She leaned forward, opening in her mouth in response, but he pulled back.  With a smirk on his face, Theron got to his feet.  “I’m going to wash all this sand off,”  he said and headed back towards the cabin.

Jas sat, mouth still hanging open, staring after him.  There were a few choice adjectives running through her mind as she watched him saunter back inside.  “Why are you acting this way?”  But the question was directed more towards herself than Theron, who had disappeared into the house.  There was a little voice of warning in her head, telling her perhaps she was beginning to like him a little _too_ much.  That if all of this was just a brief fling, it would never be enough.

Well, she never got anywhere being cautious.

She could hear the water already running when she walked into the cabin.  Such an oddity to waste gallons of water on washing, but this was a planet of unbound luxury.  Jas pulled at the ties on her clothes as she entered the cabin, letting the strips of fabric unwind and fall to the floor.  She watched him for a moment, standing in the open stall under the downpour of the wide shower head.  He was leaning up against the wall of tiled glass in all shades of blue and green.  His arms braced in front of him as he stood with his eyes closed, letting the water run all over his skin.

She stepped quietly closer, not really intending on catching him off guard, but just wanting to observe him.  Their encounter on Yavin had been a quick little tumble in an abandoned transport.  Just an itch that needed to be scratched, an urge that had to be met.  There was nothing romantic or profound about it, just satisfaction after an intense life and death ordeal.  She remembered her fingers grazing across blaster burns and knife wounds that hadn’t been properly treated right away and had left scars, but she hadn’t seen them.  Now, she saw all of him: every ripple of flesh and the flex of his muscles as he ran a hand through his hair.

There was more that she saw, felt, when she looked a little closer.  Someone guarded, but who still managed to trust.  Quite a feat in his line of work.  And there was something else she didn’t expect.  Theron was scared, just a bit.  He was trying something new and didn’t know how it was going to work out.

If she startled him when she stepped next to him into the stream of water, he didn’t show it.  When he turned to face her, he had a smug grin on his face, as if he had expected this.  She pushed him against the tiled wall and crushed her lips against his.  Her tongue invaded his mouth, her teeth pulled at his lip, her whole body pressed against him.  She didn’t give him a chance to speak, to make some smart remark at how badly she must have wanted him.

Theron reacted to her need.  His hands traveled across her body now soaked from the shower--gripping, squeezing, pulling her close and pressing himself against her.  He turned and lifted her against the wall until her legs had wrapped around his waist.  Their movements were frantic and careless and with the slickness of the soap and water, Theron missed and she groaned against his ear.  Partly in frustration, and part because being pressed between the hard tile on the wall and his wet body was making her ache for him even more.

He chuckled, a sputtering sort of sound against her throat as his movements slowed.  His hands traveled lazily across her thighs and up her sides and then braced himself against the wall.  Her lips were still assaulting any bit of skin she could reach and her hips continued to try and rock into him desperately.  “Where’s your patience, _Jedi_?”  he asked, his voice low.

“I lost it,”  she responded as she pushed his head back, exposing his throat to her, the water running across his face.  “Somewhere on Yavin.”  Her lips pressed roughly against his throat, sucking hard enough to mark him.  When he went back to Coruscant, she wanted everyone to see.  The Republic had his loyalty, but there were other parts of him that were only hers.

Theron’s hand moved again, cupping underneath her bottom.  His fingers drew long strokes along the folds of her sex, pressing teasingly inside, until the noises she was making kept her from sucking the life out of his throat.  “I found something on Yavin,”  he whispered, but she barely heard it between the rush of the water and the sounds he was pulling from her.

His fingers left her skin and she whimpered in protest.  Then gasped as he easily slipped inside her, not missing this time.  They held still for just a second and Jas’ mouth hung open at the thrill of her cunt filled with the length of him.  Her eyes cracked open and she saw him smiling at her.  Holding fast, not moving, just smiling.  Like he’d won a prize.  She could feel the blush creep across her cheeks, tinting blue skin purple.  His smile twisted slightly into more of a boastful smirk and he pressed forward and kissed her softly.

His eyes didn’t shut, never left hers, not even as his hips started to move--pulling back slightly and then pushing her back into the wall.  Though his smile slowly disappeared with each thrust, he kept his eyes on her.   _Watch me._  He seemed to be asking.   _Let me watch you._ Those eyes bored straight into her.  He seemed to catch every cue her body gave him just from watching.  Jas knew that he couldn’t find her in the Force the way she found him, but he read her desires even without it.  And she knew he wanted to give her everything she wanted, whether it was this rough fuck in the shower, their quick coupling on Yavin, or something more tender later.

She almost lost him once he picked up the pace.  Her back scraped against the tile as he drove into her.  The pain mixed with the pleasure in a delicious combination that made her cry out in ecstasy.  Theron nipped at her chin and drew her eyes back to him.

“I want to watch you come apart,”  he practically growled.  Each thrust elicited more of the wanton moaning as he struck some exquisite part deep inside of her.

So intent were their eyes on each other that she didn’t notice his hand move again, pushing in between where their bodies were wetly slapping together.  When the pad of his finger touched her clit, explosions went off in her veins.  Every nerve ending was fried with electricity--a drowning sort of pleasure where she could barely breathe, only beg for him to keep going.

“Oh, babe,”  he crooned, pushing his face into hers.  She had stopped looking at him, her head starting to fall back, lost in the bliss of her orgasm.  “You’re so beautiful when you come.”

Theron didn’t stop the thrusting of his hips and she knew he was desperate to find his own release.  She could feel it in the flex of his muscles; she could feel the unraveling of his thoughts.  Her head dropped to his shoulder and she laid sucking kisses from his collarbone, up his throat, until her lips pulled at his earlobe.  She moaned words of encouragement to him.  Every nerve throbbed with overstimulation, but she had to bring him with her.

“You feel so good, Theron,”  she said between gasps.  Jas reached out to where they were joined.  Not physically, but where their energies intersected.  Where the threads of her being reached out and intertwined with his.  It was easy to find, the center of his pleasure, the heat of his desire--so ready to spill over.  It was all electricity and threads bound together in ethereal fire, but she put her mouth against it.  Her tongue ran across the length of it until she got to the tip and swirled her tongue around it.  Her lips slid over him, taking him into her mouth.  For the moment, their thoughts were shared and she gave him those sensations.  The feeling of his cock being both pounded into her pussy and her mouth.  The taste of both of them mixed together.  The tingling memory of her intense orgasm along with his about to climax.

“Oh-- _fuck_ \--”  His whole body went rigid as he erupted, still buried deep inside her.

Her hips rocked slowly against him, drawing every last ounce of pleasure from him until she thought he might collapse.  Again, Theron braced his hands against the wall on either side of her and she gingerly stepped back onto the floor.  Despite the soreness in her muscles and other tender areas, Jas smiled as she looked at him with his head drooped, eyes closed, breathing heavily.  She reached down and picked the soapy rag from a puddle near the shower drain.  Gently, she moved the rag across his body, rubbing away the sand he had missed and cleaning off the combined mess they had made.  As she dumped soap onto her hands and ran her fingers through his hair, she wondered if he had fallen asleep standing up.  She turned off the water and wrapped him in a towel and whispered for him to come lie down.

“What did you do?”  he asked slowly, still in a haze as she curled up on the bed next him, their naked skin still damp.

“I was not good.”  Jas smirked slightly as she kissed him.  So much for her status as Jedi automatically meaning moral superiority.

“No, you were great.”

“It was all you.  I just gave you a little push.”

In the early morning hours, she woke up with the press of his cock against her backside and another round of bliss followed.  This time slower, more tender, but still exquisitely satisfying.  They fell asleep again and when Jas woke the second time, it was to the smell of a rich breakfast.

“It’s a good thing I was already up.  Completely forgot I ordered it until I saw the delivery skiff outside,”  Theron confessed with a grin.

She smiled and found a robe to wrap around her body.  He pulled out a chair for her and eagerly pointed out all the delicious foods.  They sat close together; she’d scoop up something and feed it to him while his hand would often find her knee, sometimes grazing a bit higher up her thigh.

They were nearly finished when Theron’s eyes darted off towards one of his bags.  Absently, he tapped one of the cybernetic implants next to his eyebrow and said,  “Got a message.”

Jas could feel the change in his mood when he pulled the datapad out of his bag and read over the communique.  Something had happened--was happening--something serious.  “Theron?  What is it?”

“A lead, maybe.  Probably nothing.”

It certainly didn’t feel like nothing, but then Theron had always taken his work quite seriously.  She wanted to press for more information, but she knew that if he needed her help, he would ask.  It was hard to not jump at the chance to fix all his problems, but he was skilled and capable.  “You have to leave, don’t you?”

He looked up and gave her a sad sort of smile.  “Yeah.  So much for a weekend away.”  Jas stood and walked over to him, noticing that he shut down the datapad and dropped it back into his bag before she got to him.  “I need to put a team together.  Get ahead of this in case it leads to something.”

She stepped in close to him and draped her arms over his shoulders.  “You going to kiss me before you leave?”

As if it were even a question, one hand came up and cupped the side of her face as his lips pressed into hers.  He was warm and firm and when his tongue slid into her mouth, she could taste the sweet syrup that she had opted against, but that he had lavished on his sausages.  His other hand came up and tugged at the sash around her robe.

“Next transport off-world isn’t for another hour,”  he managed to say with his lips still pressed against hers.

Jas smiled, but for a moment turned serious.  “You’ll let me know if I can help?”

He smirked like he wanted to make a joke--a remark about the double entendre of what she had said, but he understood clearly what she meant and for once, didn’t make light of it.  “Of course.”

 

 

Everything came back in waves.  First the smells of the medical ward--new plastic and industrial cleaners.  The bright, overhead lighting.  Then the awareness that she was not alone--that she had never been alone.

“Welcome back.”  Lana paused as if for a moment she wasn’t sure if she wanted to address her by her name or her title.  “My friend.”

“Lana,”  her voice cracked in her dry throat, but she smiled all the same.

“Did you have a nice dream?”  There was a wry smile forming on Lana’s face.

“I dreamt of a many great and terrible things, but the ending… the ending was nice.”  Perhaps she should have felt embarrassed that her Sith friend had possibly gotten a glimpse into a very private, very intimate moment between the other two parts of their trio, but Jas didn’t.  She loved them both dearly and Lana was far from ignorant of their relationship.

Lana helped her sit up and gave her a cup of water.  “How are you feeling?”

Jas let the cool water run down her throat and then rubbed her tongue across her chapped lips.  It was odd.  She felt a bit lighter, rested, and altogether steadier than she had felt in months.  “A bit better, surprisingly.  What did you do?”  It was the curiosity in Lana’s voice when she asked how she felt that made Jas question if something else had happened.

“Nothing.”  A pause before the rest of the truth.  “Sana-Rae offered a Voss mind-healing ritual.  I know that their customs are not in-line with what you, or I, believe about the Force, but she believed it could help.”

“You objected?”  Jas’ brow quirked slightly as she listened to Lana.  There was a slight disdain in Lana’s voice.  Though they had all gotten at least used to each other in their new Alliance, some prejudices were hard to let go of.

“I did, but Theron insisted.”  There was a small sigh as Lana reached over and took the cup from her and set it aside.  Her hand slipped into Jas’ and squeezed gently.  Lana watched her for a moment; the familiar threads twisted together, sharing thoughts and emotions.  Lana was not the affectionate sort, but Jas was and now more than ever she needed the reassurance of the people around her, the people who loved he.  “He’s still in there.”

The rare smile left her lips and she nodded slowly.  “Quiet for now, but still there.  This healing ritual, it uses memory?”

“What I got from her vague metaphors is that the Force lays a path to life-affirming visions, to try and move away from the trauma and back to--”

“I can’t move past it until he’s gone.”

Lana nodded.  “We’ll find a way.”

Jas knew the way, but it’s not what any of them wanted to hear.  And it seemed none of them were going to let her have that option.  Theron’s words had stuck with her, however.  Perhaps the Grandmaster would have been disappointed in her choices, but Master Orgus would have understood.  He would have known what sort of torture this was for her.  But the Padawan he taught never would have given up.  That Padawan would have fought until her last breath to find a way to defeat her enemy.  She would have done it saving as many lives as she could.  She would have tried to spare others as much pain as possible.

For a brief second, Jas wondered if that Padawan was even still alive.  If somewhere along the way, she had been lost.  If her bright optimism had been snuffed out by a harsh galaxy; her serenity forever disturbed by the blackness invading her soul.

Lana’s grip strengthened on her hand. _I’m here._

Jas rubbed her tear-filled eyes and nodded.  For now, she was, too.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading! I hope all the jumping around through Jas' memories made sense. :)
> 
> I'm always excited to hear what you think! Or you can find me on the [tumblr.](http://rinskiroo.tumblr.com/)


End file.
